


I'd Sacrifice For You

by Angelchexmex



Series: NoNoWriMo 2017 One-Shots [8]
Category: Kingsman (Movies), Kingsman: The Secret Circle (2015)
Genre: Angsty?, But no actual abortion, Depressing tbh, Jealousy, Melancholy, Mentions of Abortion, Michelle sentric, Multi, Not Happy, Sad, but I have no baking for any of it, envy - Freeform, just like very vague idea, kind of like a character study, no happy ending, not meant to be a mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 09:50:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12792000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelchexmex/pseuds/Angelchexmex
Summary: Michelle had wanted so much out of life, but she'd never taken into account having a child. She'd done her best with what she had, but she was never meant to be a mother. Now, she was doing what she knew to be right, even if it still hurt.After all, she'd sacrificed everything for her kids, what was one more thing in the long run?





	I'd Sacrifice For You

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked me ages ago for a jealous Michelle, and I don't think this is exactly what they meant but she is jealous in this fic and does want Harry...so maybe it will work? Mostly it's just really sad I think because I've been thinking a lot about people who are pushed into parenthood despite what they want and how some people just aren't meant to be parents and that's only a bad thing when they have to be a parent. 
> 
> So yeah...let me know what you think?

It had been a long time since Michelle had genuinely liked herself, had looked at herself as a person and been pleased with what she saw. Most people would assume that it had been when her husband died and she’d had to work herself to the bone to give her and her child at least the basic necessities, but it had begun before that. 

Michelle had never been the kind of person to want to settle down. She’d wanted to travel and learn and do something amazing in the world, and she’d been on track to do it too. Even meeting her Alpha soulmate Lee had only added to her dreams, because he’d been just as eager to prove himself to the world as she was and twice as optimistic about actually succeeding. They’d made an amazing team, feeding off of each other’s better characteristics and helping to change the worst ones. For three years Michelle had felt like the world was at her fingers and there was nothing she couldn’t do if she put her all into it and had Lee at her side, but everything had changed when she missed her period.

At first she hadn’t thought anything of it, she was preparing for her finals anyway and her stress was at an all time high, but three months passed and eventually she couldn’t deny that something was going on. She’d gone to a doctor, and the rest was rather self explanatory, except to Michelle it hadn’t been. Michelle was a Beta and it had always been so much harder for them to conceive, but apparently that simply didn’t matter.

She’d been terrified and desperate and unsure, and she’d gone to Lee for help, for guidance, for something. Michelle wasn’t sure what she would have done differently, but she did know that going to him was one of her greatest regrets: She’d let him convince her to keep the child.

She had barely made it through her final year and somehow she’d found herself being a housewife to a man who’d curtailed his own dreams to make a family. They’d never been meant for it, for settling down and making a family and becoming the perfect little stereotypical family. Michelle learned to be a mother, even if everything in her yearned to be anything else, and Lee had run to the military to escape from it all. While he was gone Michelle resented him and when he was home she remembered everything she had loved about him. Lee had done the same in many ways. While he was gone he could pretend he had nothing tying him down, and when he went back he pretended to be the best father in the world, all the while burying all of the dreams and hopes he and Michelle had once fought for tooth and nail.

Michelle and Lee had been good parents, but they’d only succeeded because they’d torn everything that had made themselves who they were apart and thrown it away. Through it all, neither of them could find it in themselves to hate Eggsy for it. He hadn’t asked to be born to people who had never wanted to be parents, but that didn’t mean Michelle or Lee could ever really find it in themselves to love him the way parents should.

When Lee died, Michelle didn’t mourn him, not really. She mourned everything they had once been back in university, she mourned the dreams they had once fostered, and, most of all, she mourned all the possibilities they could have had together but never did. She mourned, and she threw herself into work. It felt good for a bit, to be outside of the house and to be working and moving and actually doing something, but it didn’t last for long. 

Michelle found someone new, someone who didn’t try and tell her that she should be home with her child all the time or that being a mother was the most amazing thing in the world. She ran to the first person that didn’t make her feel guilty for being away from her son for even a second, and ran straight into the worst decision of her life.

But Dean had been so good with Eggsy in the beginning, he’d taken care of the little boy and he’d been everything Michelle had ever hoped for in an Omega. Late at night, when Dean had gone to calm another of Eggsy’s nightmares, she’d wondered why she couldn’t have meat Dean earlier. The Omega would have been so happy to stay with Eggsy while Michelle and Lee traveled or worked. It could have been so perfect, so perfect.

Except it hadn’t been and it couldn’t have been. Sometimes Michelle wondered if it was because Dean wasn’t her Omega soulmate, but, whatever the cause, Dean hadn’t turned out to be who Michelle had thought he was. He’d turned violent and angry and eventually nothing Michelle could ever do was right. Once again, all of her dreams had been shattered and now she’d drawn her child into it as well. 

That was when she’d really started to hate herself, but she hadn’t written herself off completely until she’d become pregnant again and called Eggsy for help. It was the ultimate selfishness wasn’t it, to ruin one of her children’s lives in order to not have to be in the second one’s. But she had made the phone call and Eggsy had answered and he’d come home. He was more of a parent to Daisy than Michelle had ever been, and she finally realised what a real Omega was supposed to be. They weren’t supposed to be parents or protectors or homemakers or anything else, they were supposed to be wonderful and complex people. They were supposed to be just like her Eggsy: diverse and free thinking and strong and so utterly human.

Eggsy had been her saviour in the end, even though it should have been the exact opposite. He got rid of Dean and got them an actual house and so much more. The least Michelle could do in turn was look after Eggsy’s Daisy, because Daisy wasn’t Michelle’s, not really. So she lived in a fancy house and wore fancy clothes and she learned not to hate herself so much and she raised Daisy as best she could, no matter how much she wanted to do anything else. 

It wasn’t the life she wanted, wasn’t anything she’d ever dreamed or hoped for, but it was so much better than what it had been, and Michelle could almost convince herself that she could be content with this kind of life. Then Harry Hart had walked through her door and Michelle had learned to hate herself again.

Eggsy had seemed so nervous when he’d brought his Alpha and Beta home, but he’d been so very excited too. Michelle had never seen him so happy and so she had welcomed both strange men into her home, never once even vaguely recognizing the face of the man who had informed her of her husband’s death. They’d become staples in her home, always around and always being helpful. Michelle wished they wouldn’t be, because the more time she spent around Harry, the more she realised just how horrible of a person she was.

“Ms. Unwin,” Michelle fought af flinch at the sound of Harry’s voice, she hadn’t expected anyone to be here this early, or up if they were. 

“Call me Michelle, Harry, y’r gonna be family soon anyway, already are in everyfin’ but paper.” Michelle waved at a seat across from her at the little round table in her kitchen. The fact that she had a kitchen big enough for a table still shocked her every time she sat down, but now she appreciated it because she didn’t have to move far to get a second cup for Harry. Michelle’d been steadily drinking her way through several pots of tea for a few hours now, but it hadn’t helped her either slow or order her thoughts. 

Not that it had ever helped, but whenever the feeling of being trapped had become too suffocating in the past, she’d repeated this ritual over and over again until she had been able to continue on. Something about the simple repetition of it and the symbolism behind making a perfect pot of tea, for guest or family or anyone who wanted a cuppa, reinforced her role and made it easier to resign herself to her reality. 

“Michelle,” Harry agreed, “thank you.” He took the cup, not needing to add anything to it since Michelle had already added his splash of milk and no sugar to it. She’d known how he took his tea for months now, knew even more about him that was far less normal. She knew how he most often got headaches in the early morning and never ate before seven and always placed his books and glasses on his blind side just to prove that he wasn’t inhibited by his missing eye. She knew his favourite foods and movies and music. She knew his pet peeves and grievances and the quickest way to get him angry. She knew too much and not enough, never enough. 

“Wot y’ doin’ up so late?” Michelle questioned for lack of anything else to do but sip her tea in silence. She never had liked silence, always wanting to be moving, doing, achieving. 

“I would call it early now, but the exact time of day aside, JB woke me. I could not understand why until he promptly took my spot in bed.” Michelle loved the way his lips twitched as he spoke about JB and the way his voice softened as if he was about to slip into that silly voice everyone used for animals. 

“An’ now y’r too awake fer sleep,” Michelle finished smiling in commiseration. She’d often had the same problem when Eggsy had woke crying. Eggsy had dealt with that when Daisy had been growing and Michelle was guiltily grateful for it. 

“Indeed,” Harry agreed, sipping at his tea. Michelle wondered what her life would have been like if Harry had been her soulmate. She wouldn’t have minded being an Alpha or an Omega if he could have been her Beta. He was always off somewhere, traveling and working and never stopping. He would never have convinced her to keep a child neither of them had wanted and he would never had made her give up her dreams. Part of Michelle was still willing to try. She didn’t care if he was also a Beta or not, they could be amazing together. 

Michelle took a larger sip of her tea, doing her best to drown out those thoughts without resorting to alcohol.

“Is something bothering you, Michelle?” Harry finally asked, relieving Michelle of the burden of finding a way to break the silence. “If you are worried about Eggsy marrying us I can assure y-”

“No,” Michelle cut him off with a wave of her hand. “I’m glad my boy’s got the both of y’ t’ marry. It ain’t that.” 

Michelle had never gotten a proper wedding herself, nothing big or fancy or even beautiful. She could imagine it though, imagine walking down the aisle with Harry waiting at the end. They’d go somewhere marvelous for their honeymoon: Somewhere with mountains and snow for skiing or maybe just mountains for climbing and hiking. Michelle would be happy then, with a husband who dreamed of the same things she did and wasn’t afraid to reach for them. 

“Then what worries you?” Michelle’s fingers twitched around her cup and she wanted to ask him why Eggsy had sent him instead of coming himself, but she liked this illusion too much: the illusion that Harry was actually concerned about Michelle, actually cared for her. 

“Everyfin’s changin’,” Michelle shrugged, picking the next closest thing she could think of that had been worrying her. “Ain’t nofin’ like I remember it an’ sometimes it’s still hard t’ fit myself in t’ it all. Is a new life.”

“It will get easier, with time.” Harry reassured with a smile and a pat to Michelle’s hand. Michelle barely stopped herself from flipping her hand over and grasping his tightly. 

“Everyfin’ is easier wif time,” Michelle agreed. Taking care of Eggsy had gotten easier, not wanting things had gotten easier, lying to herself had gotten easier, hating herself had gotten easier. Everything gets easier with time, but nothing makes it hurt less. Michelle had just become better at hiding it.

“If you need anything,” Harry stated, his one eye warm and making Michelle want to scream, “please ask. Anything I can do to help you, would be my pleasure.”

Michelle smiled, and there was nothing tremulous or uncertain about it. She’d perfected her smile so long ago. “Thank you,” she replied, resting her hand on Harry’s for a moment. She counted down the seconds in her head until it would go from familial to uncomfortable and removed her hand just before her countdown reached zero. The tips of her fingers still felt warm and Michelle wondered when the last time she’d touched someone that hadn’t come from her body. 

“Please, rest Michelle. We can take care of Daisy tomorrow and perhaps after you sleep you will feel better.” Michelle let go of her empty cup slowly, all of her focus on removing each finger without either crushing it in her grasp or picking it up and throwing it at a wall. She didn’t want a day off, she wanted her life back. She wanted the world to reverse and to choose differently this time. She wanted to go back to when she had loved herself.

But that was impossible, so instead Michelle stood. “Do y’ need help wif the dishes?” She questioned already knowing the answer as harry waved her off to bed. 

She stopped in the hallway for a moment, listening to Harry turn on the faucet. If she closed her eyes she could almost convince herself that her reality was different. That she was an Omega, and Lee was asleep in their bed waiting for her. That Harry was her Beta, and he was just cleaning the last of the dishes before joining them. That she didn’t have any obligations or restrictions. She could pretend that she was Michelle again, a lovely Beta who hit the ground running and would never stop till she surpassed the top.

Then her son’s voice drifted up to her, just slightly louder than the water from the faucet, and the dream was broken. Michelle clenched her fists and hated herself even more for coveting what her son had. She’d taken everything from him, the least she could do was not interfere with this. 

So Michelle finished making her way to her room and she kept quiet and at night, when no one else was looking and no one else could judge, she dreamed of a different life. She dreamed of a life without children and filled with travel and work and adventure and changing the world for the better. She dreamed of everything she’d once had with Lee when she was young.

She dreamed and she dreamed and she dreamed and when she woke up every morning, she pretended to be what everyone wanted her to be. Her days were dedicated to her children and society, but her nights, at least, could be her own.

**Author's Note:**

> I am still taking prompts and since it's the hols I may even have time to properly type them out instead of being a failure. So prompt me please!!!


End file.
